These are some of the stories that I have accumulated over the past few years. Some are from Canada (thanks girls!) so some still have a North American twang where I may not have completely anglicised them. Many have been forwarded by a young lady who has received them nearly all from her female friends. Why is that girls have so much time to forward me jokes? Why do I have so much time to read them? Some are well-known stories (the old ones are the best, otherwise known as "nothing's new") or versions of a familiar theme. Some are also feminist, malist(?), or nationalistic - some people may call this last one racist but I do not believe that taking the mickey out of anybody can be deemed racist in the intended sense of the word; although I do admit that some may think that they may be in poor taste. I make no apologies for any of these issues as the sole criteria is that they are funny, or at least to those with a sense of humour like mine! GORDON SPOONER |
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If you wish to comment on any of the stories, preferably constructively, e-mail me at entertainment@spoonernet.co.uk Please do NOT send me any more stories, there are plenty of websites that have funny stories that are even better than these. |
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last updated: 1 August 2003 |
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CONTENTS
(in no particular order) |
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Fire
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Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager
at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen
nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook
my head and ordered six McNuggets. |
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I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the
next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became
visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount
of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say,
she was very disappointed. |
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A woman walks into a pub and sees a really good-looking bloke sitting at the bar. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. He says, "Magic Bitter." She thinks he's a bit of a nutter, so she walks around the pub. After realising that there is no one else worth talking to, she goes back to the man sitting at the bar. She says, "That isn't really Magic Bitter, is it?" He says, "Yes. I'll show you." So, he takes a gulp of the bitter, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times, and comes back into the window. She can't believe it. She says to him, "I bet you can't do that again." So, he takes another drink of the bitter, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times, and comes back in the window. She is amazed. She says that she wants a Magic Bitter. So the bloke says to the bartender, "Give her a pint of what I'm having." She gets her pint, takes a gulp, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body and dies. The bartender looks up at the bloke and says, "Superman, you're such a tosser when you're pissed." |
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A blind man, enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool, and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still want to tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." |
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do, Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. They got the horse some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, ... "Nothin', but you left your Injun running". |
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In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be aware that the phrase "Spending a penny" is not to be used after 31st December 2001. From this date, the correct terminology will be "Euronating". |
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There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying." "No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..." |
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An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasise and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay", he says to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets working with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking ear-splitting screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel !!" |
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| An Italian mother comes to visit her son Alfredo for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Anita During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Alfredo's, room-mate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Alfredo and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, Alfredo volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Anita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Anita came to Alfredo saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Several days later, Alfredo received an email from his Mother, which
read: Lesson of the day... Don't lie to your mother...especially if she is Italian. |
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked
to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some
of this year's winning entries: |
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| Here's a story about the Irish version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" Mick is the contestant. Eddie: "Mick, you've done very well so far, you're on $500,000 and you've got one lifeline left - phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever million if you get it right, but if you're wrong you will be out of the game and drop to $32,000. Are you ready?" Mick: "Sure I'll have a go". Eddie: "Which of the following birds does NOT build it's own
nest? Is it:- Remember Mick, it's worth a Million Dollars." Mick: "Er... I don't know dat one at all at all... no I haven't got a clue. I'll phone a friend." Eddie: "OK Mick, who do you want to phone?" Mick: "I'll phone Paddy" (Ringing) Paddy: "Hello, hello, dere?" Eddie: "Hello Paddy, it's Eddie Maguire here from "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". I have Mick here and he's doing very, very well. He's on $500,000 but needs your help to get the Million. The next voice you hear will be Mick's and he'll explain the question. There are 4 possible answers but just one correct answer. You have 30 seconds to answer...fire away Mick." Mick: "Hello dere, Paddy. Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? Is it: A - Robin / B - Sparrow / C - Cuckoo / D -T'rush?" Paddy: "Jaysus, Mick, dat's easy.... it's a Cuckoo" Mick: "Are you absolutely sure Paddy?" Paddy: "Sure I'm bloody sure" Mick: "T'anks, Paddy." (Hangs up) Eddie: Well do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the first ever Million, Mick?" Mick: "I want to play, I'll go with C, the Cuckoo." Eddie: "Is that your final answer?" Mick: "It is, it is." Eddie: "Confident?" Mick: "Oh, ay, Paddy's a real genius, he knows everyt'ing." Eddie: "Mick...you had $500,000 and you said Cuckoo. You have just won a Million Dollars!!! Here's your cheque - you have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience, please put your hands together for Mick." (Applause) That night Mick calls Paddy and invites him down to the local Pub to fill him full of drink. As they're sitting at the bar, Mick turns to Paddy and asks: "Tell me Paddy - how in God's name did ye know dat it was de Cuckoo dat doesn't build it's own nest? Sure, ye know fock-all about birds." "Jaysus, ye're a right fockin' eejit, Mick, dat was easy – sure everyone knows a fockin' Cuckoo lives in a clock!" |
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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After the initial screening was done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair." Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them |
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An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital during the Great War. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims: "Fair fa' yer sonsie face, Great chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak your place, painch tripe or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm." The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into: "Some hae meat, and cannaeat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, Andsae the Lord be thankit." This continues with the next patient: "Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rousbeastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa saehasty, Wi bickering brattle I wad be laith to run and chase thee, Wi murdering prattle!" "Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last." "Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns Unit." |
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A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah, right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed! Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly. He wakes from a drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "I don't know where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place." |
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A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be ten again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size." The moral of this story: Even when a man listens, he's still gonna get it wrong. |
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Agirl walks into a supermarket and buys a bar of soap, one toothbrush, one tube of toothpaste, a loaf of bread, a pint of milk, one single serving of cereal and one single frozen dinner. The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?" The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?" He says, "Because you're ugly." |
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After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Saddam is still alive", Saddam decided to send George W a letter in his own writing to let his friend know that he is still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H. George W couldn't figure it out so he typed it in and emailed Colin Powell. Colin and his aids had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the list got longer and longer. Eventually it arrived at the Fed. Dr. Greenspan looked at it and replied the next second: "Perhaps the President would wish to look at the message up-side-down...." |
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Cocktail lounge, Norway: At a Budapest zoo: Doctors office, Rome: Hotel, Acapulco: Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: Car rental brochure, Tokyo: Sign in men's rest room in Japan: In a Nairobi restaurant: On the grounds of a private school: On an Athi River highway: On a poster at Kencom: In a City restaurant: A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: In a Pumwani maternity ward: In a cemetery Sign in Japanese public bath: Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: In a Tokyo bar: In a Bangkok temple: Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: Hotel brochure, Italy: Hotel lobby, Bucharest: Hotel elevator, Paris: Hotel, Yugoslavia: Hotel, Japan: In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: Taken from a menu, Poland: Supermarket, Hong Kong: From the "Soviet Weekly": In an East African newspaper: Hotel, Vienna: A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: Hotel, Zurich: An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: A laundry in Rome: Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: In a Swiss mountain inn: Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: On the door of a Moscow hotel room: |
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A little bit of nostalgia that some of us may remember, or may not wish to remember. According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 50's, 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived, because......
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them. Congratulations! Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good. |
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One
day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah me old china, I wants
you to make me a new Ark". "With 20 decks, one on top of the other?". "Uh-huh". "And you want it full of Carp?". "You betcha" "Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether. "Dunno" says God ... |
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SOCIAL SECURITY SEX LOUD SEX: QUIET SEX: CONFOUNDED SEX WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX |
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My husband came home with a tube of K-Y Jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. WOMAN'S HUMOUR 2 |
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TEACHER’S
PAY
(CANADIAN VERSION: Candian dollar = 0.74 US dollars and 0.44 pounds sterling as at 25 June 2003) Tired of Those High Paid Teachers! I, for one, am sick and tired of those high paid teachers. Their hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 10 months a year! Its time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do, baby sit! We can get that for less than minimum wage (which is $6.85, by the way). I would give them $4.00 an hour, and only the hours they worked (say 4.5 hours), not any silly planning time. That would be $18.00 a day. Each parent should pay $18.00 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now, how many do they teach in a day?.... maybe 25 (if they're lucky!) Then that's $18 x 25 =$450.00 a day. But remember they only work 190 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for any vacations. Let's see - that's $450 x 190 = $85,500.00. (Hold on, my calculator must need batteries!) What about those special teachers or the ones with Masters Degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be that fair. Let's see, $6.85 an hour... That would be $30.80 per child... times 25 children... = $770.00 times 190 days... = $146,000.00 per year. Wait a minute, there is something wrong here!!!! |
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Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy". The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes." "What, he had two arseholes???" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'" |
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Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four." "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons." "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law." The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!" "Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno." |
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Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For **** sake, you *****, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!" |
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A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other female friends in addition to my fiancée and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry". The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?" "I don't like her." |
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Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner." A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!" The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your Mother-in-Law to death with a spanner." Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You ****ing b*stard!!!" The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?" Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded. "For fifteen years I lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I asked to borrow a ***ing spanner, he said he didn't have one!" |
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A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer. This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home." |
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UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead. |
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TWINS
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds............. "But they are twins, If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." |
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This is worth reading, for all you older people who remember Tommy Cooper. Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony
was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant. |
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An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate cake wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the banister with both hands. With laboured breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought he was already in heaven because there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were a dozen of his favourite chocolate cakes. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his stomach in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the food was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withering hand trembled on its way to a cake at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife...."F**k off", she said, "they're for the funeral." |
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The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. McNick, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. McNick ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. McNick said, "Very
good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for
you, young lady, I have three things to say... |
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We took some friends out to one of those new smart restaurants recently where I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange but I ignored it until I noticed another waiter who bought a jug of water also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. And when I looked around I saw that all the waiters had a spoon in their shirt pocket. When the waiter came back to serve the soup I asked him why he had a spoon in his shirt pocket. He told me that the owners had hired some international consultants who were experts in efficiency in order to revamp all the processes. After weeks of statistical analysis they concluded that customers dropped their spoons 74% more often than other cutlery. This represented a drop frequency of three spoons per table per hour. The result was that waiters carried a spare spoon with them so they did not have to go back to the kitchen to obtain a clean one. He told me that this saved 15 man hours per shift in this large restaurant. He served our main course and I was looking around and noticed that was a very thin string hanging out of this waiter’s fly. I looked and saw that all the waiters had a similar piece of string hanging out of their fly. So I had to ask the waiter before he went, “Can you tell me why you have that string there?” “Certainly,” he said, lowering his voice. “Not everyone is as observant as you. The consultants also found out that we can save time in the toilet by tying a piece of string to you-know-what so we can lift it over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash our hands. This reduces the time spent in the loo by 45%.” “But,” I said, “if the string helps you to get it out, how do you put it back in?” “Well,” he whispered, lowering his voice even further, “I don’t know about the others, but personally I use the spoon!” |
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The End |
last
updated 1 August 2003 |
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